We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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