need another drink. this is the easiest way
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
