I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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