I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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