Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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