We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
