I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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