i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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