How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
