i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
