Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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