I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
