The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
