I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
