my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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