yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think i have herpe
just one?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
