I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize