Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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