hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Come on in and take your pants off
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
