Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
