White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
