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I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED