After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?