isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.