If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing