well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
