The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
