I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.