8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He better not be in your backpack
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
