trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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