Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I smell stomach acid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
