ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
