it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
