you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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