just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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