I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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