Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
