I look better un-naked...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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