I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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