Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
