In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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