woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
