It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
