last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
