Three words: puerto rican gang bang
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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