Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So many bounce houses so little time
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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