I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I could make wine with my vomit
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So many bounce houses so little time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
