I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
