It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
