Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
