I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
