Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
