Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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