I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
