Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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