then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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