Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize