She is in my trunk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
