I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
