and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
