i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
