he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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