I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
