I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
nutella sex= disaster
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
