I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
