i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
