So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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