I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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