I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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