i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
