Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sobbing to NWA
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
