I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
